Nothing To Say

I'd like to say it's been raining all day, but it hasn't been. It's been sunny as ever, but sunshine can't seem to reach me. I pretended I was happy and tried to push it away, but now there's no one left to tell but you, so I'm telling you. I couldn't get out of bed this morning. I don't even know why, I just sat there wishing I could close my eyes and escape reality. But I had to get up and I had to get dressed and I had to live through today. But now we're watching a movie and I can't seem to concentrate. I can't get words out of my head. I take a lot of what people say to heart, though I don't tell them so. And then later when I'm alone all the words will spin through my mind in a dizzying waltz. I can't get so many things out of my head that I want to. And when I told my mom, she just told me to keep taking my cymbalta. They say that causes suicidal thoughts in people under 18. I haven't told her, but I have been taking only half the dosage for a week. Which is worse - feeling like you're losing your mind or feeling like you want to die? The worst part is that tomorrow I'll wake up, force myself out of bed (or not. I'm by myself tomorrow, maybe I'll just lie there all day and stare at the ceiling) and tell anybody who asks that I'm perfectly happy. I won't be lying because I'll honestly try my best to smile and laugh and find something to cheer me up. But sooner or later they'll see through me, or they'll get sick of me and I'll be alone with a painted smile.

What's the remedy for loneliness? What's the cure for going insane?
Don't say cymbalta.