Sunday, August 8, 2010

Goodbye

Dear Benjamin,
I can't believe I'm writing this. Not to you. Never to you. I want to say sorry for all of this mess, it was never my intention. But now that it's over, you should know a few things. Just things I wouldn't have told you, but I guess I failed at my "not pushing you away" thing.

- You were what I dreamed about almost every night.
- I meant every word I ever said to you. Even when I said I loved you.
- I think your glasses look amazing on you. Wear them more often. It's also useful for reading with them. I've found that out recently. :P
- I have 170 available texts in my inbox. 165 of them are locked. They're all from you.
- I do listen to your voicemail you left me. I have it saved. As long as I listen to it within 21 days, it won't self-delete.
- You never taught me how to make a paper fortune. or an airplane. I will forever wonder.
- I have 28 freckles.
- I never listened to Metric, Daphne Loves Derby, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, or Rihanna on my own accord. Sure I like them, but I first listened to them simply because you did.
- I wish with all my heart it could have been me. And I always will.

As Erin McCarley's song says :
Go on, the stars are watching, just say what you're feeling. You know you've gotta take a bow and do it your way. And it's okay.

And it really is. I hope you find someone amazing, just as amazing as you are. I'll miss your texting me goodnight. More than you know. But I'll be happy for you whatever happens in your life. Thanks for the smiles and the memories. Thanks for making me feel alive. You did that so well.
I won't forget you. I swear.

Don't forget me?
If you ever come to Chicago, and I honestly hope you do - it's beautiful and wonderful - ride the L trains. And go to Navy Pier. It's stunning at sunset. (:

REC, this is your last post. We're parting ways now. You've been great, but I don't need your memories. Not anymore.

Benjamin, have a wonderful life. I mean that, completely honestly. You deserve it.

Love,
Alexxandre Jasper Roux

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