Rosalynne

Today I put red roses
On your frost-kissed grave.
I cried several tears
But tried to be so brave.
I wondered as I sat there - just who you could have been
My dearest, precious Rosalynne.

Life gave you a chance,
You took it and you tried.
But silver-crested waves
Pulled you to heaven's crystal tide.
And still I sometimes wonder just who you might have been
My dearest, smallest Rosalynne.

I remember when I saw you
And held you in my arms.
You looked so peaceful as you
Drifted far from earthly harms.
I thought about your future and all you could have been
My dearest, sweetest Rosalynne.

It's strange how you can miss someone
That you don't really know.
It's harder though to say goodbye
Without saying hello.
I know one day you'll tell me of all you would have been
My dearest sister Rosalynne.

Lights

don't think too hard
if you think it hurts that bad
don't talk about it ,
don't let it get you down
it's only one part of the story
just let it go ,
don't let it bring you down
now ..

sing , the last thing on your mind
the last word on your breath
i'll be the one to keep you
i'll keep you at your best
the last thing on your mind
cause i don't need your mess
i'll be the one to keep you
one disaster less...

So today I made a new friend. His name is...er....I actually don't know his name. He's really nice. Older. Again. He's a druggie, not that that's bad, but it's different. And he has really weird perspectives on life. But he's nice and fun to talk to so I don't mind. (:

And then I fought with Kari. Who has a facebook now. ugh. She's so hard to get along with, it's insane to think that we were ever best friends.

And I woke up with a stomachache this morning and it hurt really bad and actually woke me up at 6:30. So I put on Owl City and curled up under the blankets but it didn't make it go away. ): So for the next 4 hours I was practically a zombie. Barely moving, just curled up trying to make it go away. I couldn't eat or anything. And then I fell asleep, and woke up perfectly fine. Dunno what it was, but it went away thankfully. :D

I miss someone. Alot. Does that make me pathetic?
Yes.
But I miss him anyway.

I spent today writing in my spare time. Not my story. A poem.
And then tonight I'll probably start setting out clothes from the laundry to pack. We're making the endless car trip to Michigan on Wednesday.
):

ow.

Forgive any typos I might have for a bit.
I kinda hurt myself today. See this is how it went.
I was supposed to clean my room. But I got carried away with my story. So I was busily writing and then Mom was, like, yelling at me that my room had better be done before dinner, and I decide to be smart and just keep writing harder, and then the pencil slipped. I thought it just poked me, so I didn't even bother to look til I felt blood between my fingers. Turns out the pencil cut me in a crescent shape along the outside edge of my left hand. So after my little rebellious moment I had to sit there for half an hour while Mom put 12 stitches in my hand.
It hurts.
So I can't type very well or write very well but I deserved it. I really did. xP

mmm mmm good

There really is nothing on this earth quite as disgusting as that layer that forms on the top of leftover chicken soup. It's slimy, white, and ... what was I saying?
Oh, yes, I remember one time I was at my dad's and he was sick and I made him chicken soup. For lunch the next day he just ate the leftovers cold. I was like, ew, at least heat it up so then it melts in with the soup. Though of course, I can't tell if it's worse seeing the scummy layer or knowing you're eating it slipped in between the carrots and the bowtie pasta. I prefer to scrape it all off in the trash first...
In case you couldn't tell, I had leftover chicken soup for lunch.

Tonight I'm making gnocchi. I was going to make tuscan chicken gnocchi soup, but last night I used the chicken in the soup, so instead we're just having gnocchi. with ragu. Personally, I am not a fan. Especially because one time, back in Nevada before Bridgette became a psycho freak, she and I were hanging out one day and then I came home to find mom had made dinner. It was gnocchi in this...er...I don't even know what it was. Like, mushed up basil leaves and there was ground beef and I don't even know, I actually refused to eat it. Ever since I use gnocchi for soup only, though I guess I have to make an exception tonight.

This blog made me hungry.
I want graham crackers.

Late Night Rambling

I don't really have much to say.
In fact I don't really know why I'm saying anything.
I guess I'm just trying to get to 100 posts.
This is 94 in case you wondered.
I took a really long nap today.
So I'm probably not going to sleep much tonight.
Don't know what I'll do instead.
Hm..
I'm rambling, but it's my blog so I can do that, right?
Nobody HAS to read this.
...
I got one of those formspring things.
People keep asking me things.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but I try to figure out who asked me what and then I wonder about it endlessly.
...
I tried wheaties this morning.
They were very weird.
...
I should go to bed.
Goodnight.
I guess.

Currently listening to: "Solitaire" by the Carpenters. Brilliant song. Listen to it.

Peace.

yay

Today was fun. The spaghetti turned out beautifully. I liked it. Except it used three types of meat in the sauce, and I find myself liking meat less and less...oh well. I'm just being picky.

Then I met another creeper. And I don't like him at.all. So I blocked him. He was scary. Scarier than Matt. And I'm like "not again." These people seem so nice the first 5 minutes...

And then I got told by Ben that I have to play Pokemon Firered and Leafgreen which are apparently the same game but different versions and I'm confused but that's okay, I'm just putting them on my wish list. Which is endless. And I already know what I'm getting so it's ridiculous. haha

And then I decided I'm going to try roller skating someday.
yes.

OMG WE DO HAVE NEIGHBORS

I was up at 3 this morning. Bad dreams and the like.
Couldn't sleep so I decided to just start school. Which means I'm done for the day already. Mom just left for work so I'm most likely going to put on Selena Gomez really loud and clean the house like I was told to do.
If I can find my headphones.
Tonight I'm making pasta bolognese which should be fun. I'm not amazing at making Italian stuff but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I'll let you know how it goes.

But anyway while I was up this morning at 3, I finally found out we DO have neighbors. Ever since we've moved in, I've never even seen them, though I've heard their little dog yapping in the backyard and seen their car in the driveway. I don't think they're the most social people. They have bars on their doors and windows and a privacy fence around most of their yard. A chain link fence around the front.
But last night I finally got to see them as they stumbled home around 3:30. It's a guy and his girlfriend (wife?) and they look to be nearing their 40's. And he was wearing a bowtie. In the pale moonlight I could have sworn he was the guy who lived under us in our apartment back in Sparks.
Good thing we don't have to share a water heater with them at least.

Music. It's really awesome.

I love it when a song comes on your mp3 player and you just nod your head and think to yourself how true the lyrics are.

That happened to me this morning on the way to church.
'Stuck' by Stacie Orrico. I hadn't heard it for months, but when it came on my shuffle I was just like, that is so true. It's now on my 'I Like These Songs' playlist even though I don't usually listen to that sort of music.

Anyway that pretty much sums up my attitude this morning.
I woke up with a cold, so I feel pretty icky. But whatever, not like people really seem to care anymore.
I have to go to Colorado in a few days. I don't want to go back but I have to. Ugh.
Youth group is tonight though. So that's going to be fun I hope.
I also switched to Google Chrome from Firefox. Still trying to get used to it. It's soooo different.

The cat says hi.
He's sitting on my lap. With Dmitri. He's been all cuddly with Dmitri which makes me jealous and cautious. I'm waiting for my poor sheep to go MIA any day now.

Anyway I'm sorta confused today. And the more I think, the less I want to figure it all out. So instead I'm going to go watch movies until youth group. Probably Ratatouille or Shall We Dance. I haven't seen either in..forever.

P.S.
Another song that I often find myself listening to for the lyrics is 'Looming Moon' by Secret & Whisper
Listen to it. It's amazing. <3

I Have Become Who I Hope That You Were..

I love that song. And that band.

Anyway

Apparently my mom called a few of my friends to let them know I'm in the hospital.
Which I am.
But before you think I lied to you, I really didn't. I really was going to go to the mall.

But this is how it happened.

I take 4 different medications. All on different time frames. The other day, I was having a scrambled day (which I have quite often) and I put all my meds in the container and accidentally put them in wrong. So this morning with breakfast I took too many of the completely wrong ones and felt completely miserable. I told mom, she freaked out just because I've been a bit emotional lately, and took me to the hospital.
I'm currently under suicide watch.

Now for all you who are like "you've done this before, was it intentional?" NO. It was NOT on purpose. It's really rare that I get that bad, and I would have most definitely told you. I'm only in here 24 hours, and I get hours on the computer, if I ask for them. I'm perfectly fine now, they got it out of my system, and Mom's still mad at me, but that's about it.
The only thing that really sucks is they won't give me a pencil. :\ So I can't write. Which bothers me so much.

Anyway, I'm fine, I'll be home tomorrow, thanks for worrying or asking, but I'm accident-prone so this is really nothing out of the ordinary for me. :P

Wonderful

haha, get it? Wonderful...nvmd.
The show was great, I loved it!

Afterwords I found this one place under a bridge and I'm pretty sure if I were homeless, that's where I'd live. It was sooo pretty.

Short post.
Oh well.
I'm tired, I have an excuse.
Today I'm going shopping at the mall. Probably won't buy anything but it's fun anyway.

Friends

So today is probably one of the best days I've had in a while.
Still dunno if the bridge is out but I expected that. Sorta.

Anyway Kat and Chris and Tay and I got bored with our online window shopping so we changed gears a bit. We started planning our lives if we won $75,000,000 one day. :P
It was great, we all picked our cars we would buy, the exteriors of the houses we wanted, what sorts of clothes we would wear, pictures of the cities we would live in. It was so much fun. Then we picked our dream bedroom off the HGTV rate my space thing. I narrowed it down to four, and we had to take collective votes multiple times before we came to a decision on a room that looks like it came straight from the Incredibles. xD Kat picked this Cinderella-esque room. It seriously matches her so well. Tay and Chris couldn't decide on one, so they decided by that time they'd get divorced (without getting married first xD) and picked separate bedrooms.

And then I had to say goodbye cause mom and I are getting ready to go to a play of Wicked. I've never seen it live, but I love the storyline and the soundtrack so I'm excited, even if it is just a small college production! And then mom promised me a really long walk down by the riverside. There are riverboats and a dock/mall and all sorts of magical places to explore, so I'm almost more excited for that. (:

Anyway, it's been a lovely day.
It could...have been alot better...
But besides that aspect, I had a wonderful time with my amazing friends.
<3

Shopping, Apologies, and Books - Oh My!

Since there's a bit of a discrepancy, REC stands for Random Emotional Crap, the name of my lovely blog who I actually view as a person that I write letters to. Which is why sometimes I address it "Dear R.E.C." I'm not using anybody's initials, coincidental though they may be. xD

Just wanted to clear that up.

Anyway today's post is complaining. But I promise not much more complaining after this. Last night I was talking to Ben and I sorta snapped at him, which I seem to be doing more often, even to the people who mean the most to me and I felt bad about it all.night.long. And I think he's still mad at me, which is completely justified but it makes me sad anyway because he's the last person I ever want to be at odds with, and apparently that's just what I did...):

Anyway I won't make this entire post all down and mopey. Today Kat and Taylor and I are going birthday wish shopping. I already know what I'm getting for my birthday, but we decided it would still be fun to go website to website picking things to put on my wish list. It's like window shopping. Except a whole lot harder to actually be tempted to buy things. :P
Chris might come along too, except I don't really trust his sense of style...kidding, he might not show up cause he found out he has H1N1. Now that it's not even talked about anymore he picked it up. So he's off of work, but idk how into doing stuff he'd be.

In summary, I will give a few last notes.
Dear REC, you officially have become a person I'm writing letters to. Congratulations.
Dear Ben, I'm really sorry for last night. ):
Dear Katie-Ana, I want an imac. kthx.
Dear Taylor,...see above statement.
Dear Chris, feel better! Drink 23 cups of tea! (;

Oh and I started my book. I started with the last chapter, because I like the ending the best. (and for once, it's not a happy ending O: ) When I finish the book, or at least half of it, I'll let everybody read it. (:

Forgotten

Day Three of feeling like this.

And I know I always talk about myself but that's because sometimes it's when I try to help others that things in my own life seem to fall apart.
I can't seem to talk to anybody about these things anymore. Not Ben. Not Katie-Ana. Not even my mom. I feel like the closer I try to get to people, the further I end up.

I see everybody else. They seem just fine. They go about their lives, going there or doing this or that. And I don't get why they're not like me. Or maybe it's me who's not like them...

I feel like I'm forgotten. Just lost in the thousands of people rushing places in this world. Like I've been overlooked.
Ignored.

Happy

Dear R.E.C.,

Last night I got told I was scaring my friends. They seemed to think I was suicidal. It was a bad night and today is not better, but I'm going to focus on positive things to see if that helps a little.

I got to sleep in a little bit today. Finished late, but it was alright, I had an alright school day anyway.

Yesterday I got to talk to Bethany for a while. She's been grounded for a while and still is, but the short bit of conversation yesterday was very nice. She always brightens up life a little.

Then this morning we ran out of soap in the bathroom. Since it's my mom's day off, we didn't really want to get out of our pajamas and go to Walmart. Especially since we're making Poulet Poele a l'Estragon tonight and have to be working on it a bit on and off for a few hours. So we searched the house and came across a soap dispenser under the sink (I swear they really did leave everything). The price tag says $22.50. And it's smaller than the Bath & Body Works soaps. Some people will spend on the most ridiculous things... But it smells like raspberry so we don't care. haha

I also lost six pounds this week. Puts me at 122 lbs. Mom's mad because I'm officially under her weight. haha She's worried though so she made me promise to start eating lunch when she's at work, which I never like doing anyway but I suppose I will now. The recent developments led to problems with my ring, which I've had for 4 years now. It doesn't fit anymore, which frustrates me because I almost lost it yesterday. And I know if I do take it off, the cat will undoubtedly eat it. He eats everything. And has started giving me dead "presents" when he finds them. I guess that comes with having a basement and a yard.

That leaves Ben. We were talking yesterday about my recent romantic endeavors, and it occurred to me that he's had a part in both. See the reason I even ever talked to Matt was to make Ben jealous, and then the latest attempt, I ended because it was unfair to the other boy to lead him on while all my thoughts were about Ben. And that's when I came to the conclusion that instead of getting involved anymore, I'm going to just stick to school. Because the only boy I even want is the same one I've wanted all along. And 1,100 miles might be far and I know I really never had a chance to begin with, but I guess that's what wishing stars are for. (:

Speaking of Ben, he said he was going to make me an instructional video on how to make paper fortunes. I'm still breathlessly anticipating this video. :P

I also got a new CD. Deas Vail's "Birds & Cages". It's wonderful. <3 I recommend it if you like Relient K or Paper Route. I like both.

Anyway this post is rather lengthy, which is a good thing, because that means there's more to be happy about than I thought.
Thanks to Kyle, Bethany, Ben, and Chris for being awesome and making me smile and laugh yesterday when I actually did feel somewhat close to the edge. I love you all. (:

I hate this.
I hate not being able to just walk away.
I hate feeling like the world collapses every time.
I hate not being able to breathe when I think about it all.

And I guess this is what I get. Years of wishing, years of dreaming, and I thought maybe this was it, thought maybe this was what wishing did. But I guess I was wrong.
Wishes don't do anything. All they do is let you down.

A Contradiction

I realized this morning that everything I do is a contradiction.

I love food, but I don't eat.
I want to fall in love, but I'm scared to let it get physical.
I don't like animals, but I almost cried when my goldfish died.
I know it's bad for me, but I always slip a spoonful of brown sugar when I cook.
I'm terrified of heights, though I love ferris wheels.

I guess maybe contradictions are a good thing. It can keep people guessing, keep them interested. But then again, alot more people give up before they actually figure me out.

I'm going to get told this post was incredibly vague, I'm sure. But explanations are something I'm scared to write anymore...

And sometimes I lie awake and wonder - do you dream of me as often as I dream of you?

Hoopes, I Did It Again...

I messed everything up and I think I lost my friends.

I guess I'm destined to do that. Push people away.
I wasn't there when my best friend needed me, and she won't talk to me now.
I said something I probably shouldn't have brought back up to one of my friends and now he won't talk to me either.
I told another of my friends the truth and I couldn't read how he took it, but he hasn't said a word to me since.
And Matt's finally catching on that it's over.

I guess it's just the way I am.
Part of the set up.
Yet another reason I wake up every morning wishing things were more normal than they are.
But then I'm reminded just how far from normal it all is...

Let's Get Dangerous~

I swear the people who lived here before us left all their earthly belongings behind. I found in my closet today a pair of leggings. Not the Miley Cyrus 'I'm going to wear these under my ungodly short skirt' type of leggings. The honest-to-goodness 1988 stirrup leggings that go up 4 inches above your waist. Let's make this mental image a little clearer - they were shiny, slinky, and black.

Like any normal person would, I decided to put them on. Way too big around the waist but I remedied that with safety pins. Tied a blanket around my neck, put on my mom's old cowboy hat that she found goodness knows where and pretended I was Darkwing Duck.

I think I scared the cat away.

Tonight I don't plan on going to service as usual. Instead, I plan on sitting on the couch in my Darkwing Duck getup (which I intend to change into a zorro getup as soon as I can find a scrap of fabric to cut eyeholes in) and watch Perfect Strangers with Dmitri.

Best part of acting like I'm 5 - my mom will do the exact same thing with me once she gets off work.

I love my life. <3

I Love My Mom

Today's her birthday. <3

Of all the people in this world, I think she's my very favorite.
Through all the ups and downs, she's the one thing I can always count on.
And after all the places we've been, she's the one thing that I can call home.

I love her lots and this blog post is for her.
(:

My Turn...

We all dream of a happy ending. Everybody does. And everybody will work hard to reach it, and if they truly want to, they will. The problem is, sometimes it has to take a while. Everybody else's endings are all coming true, but all you can do is watch and wait. One by one they'll fade away into a happily ever after and eventually you start to wonder - when will it finally be my turn?

It's not like you're not happy for them, it's just that you start to wonder if it ever will be your turn...

I sound like such a selfish prick in this post, and maybe I am.
I just..needed to get it out.

Idk.

In other news my drawing is coming along nicely. I'm making a deviantart so I can share my beautiful art with the internet along with my writing. Which begs the question - what did the internet ever do to me? ;P

What I've Learned

Lately I've been dealing with something.
Love.
I've been finding myself loving people for who I hope they are, who I wish they were, and who I think they could someday be. Not that it's bad to believe in someone's future, but you can't love someone for someone they're not. It just doesn't work that way. The two people I've dealt with the most with this are my parents.

I'm trying to learn to love my dad despite all the hurt he causes.
And I'm trying to learn to love my mom for who she is. I mean, I love her alot, but I just...somehow think someday she'll be better and become the perfect mother and maybe she will, but I can't count on just that.

You can't base your opinion of someone on something that's not there.
And that's one thing I've been struggling with for a while now. Thought I'd share it. Maybe one of you has been dealing with that or maybe it explains some things about how I talk to some of you because I do it on friend levels too.

I dunno.

I hate the nights where the whole world feels like it's falling apart and sleep decides to never take it all away.
I'm having one of those tonight.

A Life Well Lived

A life well lived. Isn't that what we are all hoping for? With our dying breath, each of us will look over our lives and wonder, did we do it? Did we achieve that singular goal of living a life well lived?
In order to judge, we must examine the goal. What is a life well lived?
A life well lived is not a life where we attained all that we dreamed.
It is not living a comfortable life.
It is not living a life of loving and being loved.
A life well lived does not always end happily, in fact it rarely ever will.
Living a life well lived is watching everything you love, everything you dream fall to pieces, but looking back at the end and saying the words that bring hurt and comfort all at once-
'At least it happened.'

Homework

---
Written: 2/??/2010
Characters: Taylor and Josh
Setting: Taylor's bedroom (...in an innocent way)
Written for Ben. This covers 3. ;P

---

"'Sacrilegous'" I dictated. I sat along the wall in my friend Taylor's bedroom. We had originally planned to study for our midterms, but so far hadn't even left the subject of English.
"S-a-c-r" Taylor paused, trying to remember. "e-l"
"Still no." I laughed. "Try again."
"S-a-c-r-I-L" he emphasized the last two letters. "e-g-i-o-u-s" I sighed with half-mock frustration. "I'm bored with spelling, can we take a break?" Taylor said edgily.
"We've already taken three breaks and we have an exam tomorrow." I reminded him.
"But I'm tired." he sighed.
"No slacking" I said teasingly. "Want to switch to Geometry?"
"No." he answered simply. "I want to take a nap." He closed his hazel eyes and leaned onto a pillow. I put my books on the floor next to me and pulled my knees in close, just watching him. After a few moments' silence, he interrupted quietly. "You could join me, you know." I let out a quiet laugh, blushing slightly, and gave Taylor a look of pretend disapproval. He sat up and looked at me. "No, I'm serious."
"Sounds tempting, but what will happen to our English exam?"
"We can study afterwards." Taylor said, slipping under the top blanket. "Just a short nap. Promise." After a moment of indecision, I rose and crossed the room. I sat down on the edge of the bed and took out my phone, laying it on the dresser beside the bed. I pulled the blankets up, uncomfortably, still not sure if he really had been serious. Taylor put an arm around my waist from behind and pulled me close. I giggled and tried to pull away.
"I'm not going to let go until I wake up." he teased. I wriggled around until I faced him.
"And what if I don't want you to let go when we wake up?" I asked, smiling as innocently as possible. His hazel eyes searched for an answer.
"Mm, then I guess we'll just have to miss that English exam." he smiled, causing me to catch my breath a little. It always gave me butterflies when he smiled, especially when he smiled because of me. I turned back around and shut my eyes tightly as he snuggled closer. Here in his arms I felt safe and warm. It only took a moment for me to decide that this was my favourite place in the world. Before long, Taylor's breathing evened out and I found myself too slipping into sleep.

The sound my phone ringing woke me up instantly. I reached across the dresser, causing the boy behind me to stir slightly. I flipped open my phone and offered a sleepy 'hello'. My eyes shot open at the sound of my mother's voice. "Half an hour ago?" I checked my watch. "Oh. Oh, yeah. I guess we lost track of time. I'll be home in five minutes." I closed the phone and turned back to Taylor, whose arm was still around my waist. "Tay, it's 5:30. We slept for almost two hours. I was supposed to be home at 5:00, remember?" He blinked his eyes and let out a little yawn. He let go of me and sat up.
"I'm sorry, we should have kept to studying." he apologized. I smiled at him.
"I think I much preferred this." He laughed quietly, his tawny eyes locked on mine for a long moment.
"You have such pretty eyes, Josh." he said quietly. I could feel the heat flushing to my face as I mumbled a 'thank you.' Taylor took advantage of the moment, leaning in quickly and kissing me.
I'd always had mixed feelings about kisses, having never had one of my own for comparison. I imagined them like the movies - perfect and meaningful, but all my friends had told me the same reviews. 'It's awkward, it's wet, and it feels like nothing special at all.' But it was nothing like they said. It was warm and gentle, soft and sweet. It felt thrilling and calming at the same time, much like that blissful rush of excitement and relief as a roller coaster finally reaches the top of the hill and starts on the way down.
The moment of perfection only lasted but a few seconds, though I knew I'd still feel the warmth and taste the sweetness long in my memory.
"I-I have to get home." I mumbled, unwillingly.
"Okay." Taylor said as he watched me gather my belongings into the school bag I brought.
"I'll see you at school." I said getting my jacket back on. I looked up at him and found myself blushing, so I lowered my gaze back at the floor. Still drunk with giddy butterflies, I turned back to the door and almost tripped on the way out. A moment later I returned, embarrassed. "Forgot my books." I said, picking up my bag. He just giggled. I turned to leave again when he stopped me.
"Josh." I turned around.
"Hm?"
"That Spanish exam on Thursday. I think I might need some help with that one too."
"Okay." I replied with a small laugh. "See you at school."
---

mhm...awkward situations are so hard to write, but idc I though it was cute? kinda?

ffjidjd

Dear someone,
GET YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE.
thanks.

That was harsh, but I'm really getting sick of the "oh I can't carbon copy you so I'm going to put my own twist on plagiarism."
Stupid idea. It lessened my opinion of you majorly. :/

Okay, now that I got that out, here's a random fact.
We have a piano now. Came with the house.
I've been scared to death to try it until now, but now I'm going to try it.
Wish me luck!
I'll really need it. xD

...and they all lived happilly ever after

I made raspberry tea today. It was good.
But with that exception, it's not been a good day.
Yesterday wasn't so great and pretty much the same things just got worse and right now I feel really lonely because the house is all empty since Mom's at a job interview.

In order to fight the quietness, I put on NCIS. Haven't seen it in forever.
There were 17 Cialis commercials.
Yes I counted. I miss the days where the repetitive commercials were for "Head On". ._.

Oh and I saw Shutter Island. One word - confused.
But I actually kinda liked it in a weird way.

This is such a thrown together post but I don't care - I just wanted to talk to someone, so why not you?

Writing

Well.
Today was fun. I was up late (as is becoming the norm) talking to Ben.
By the way, he's not allowed on the computer for a while. This blog has temporarily returned to it's former state of relative obscurity an anonymity. Congratulations.

Though I fully expect him to go through and read all this once he does get back online. haha
Anyway
He made a trade with me. See, I write a bunch of stories, little romance oneshots, things that go through my head, but I only share the ones that 1) I'm comfortable with and 2) I think are halfway decently written. I actually have chapters that aren't romance (ohmygosh, right?) but they're not well-written and some of them are very very personal to me, so that's why all I ever show people are my silly fluffy ones.
Anyway
point of the story is, what I post online, isn't even scratching the surface of what I have written in my notebooks. So, I made Ben a trade last night, and my half of it was I'll fix up some of the chapters involving him and post them. But I was wondering, since this is my blog, would you guys even WANT to read them? Let me know, because if I don't get any comments either way, then I won't be posting them here, but if you guys want to read them, leave a comment on here and I'll post them up.

So yes, today I'm writing. Fixing, editing, and writing.

Currently listening to: "Great White Whale" - Secret and Whisper