Happy

Dear R.E.C.,

Last night I got told I was scaring my friends. They seemed to think I was suicidal. It was a bad night and today is not better, but I'm going to focus on positive things to see if that helps a little.

I got to sleep in a little bit today. Finished late, but it was alright, I had an alright school day anyway.

Yesterday I got to talk to Bethany for a while. She's been grounded for a while and still is, but the short bit of conversation yesterday was very nice. She always brightens up life a little.

Then this morning we ran out of soap in the bathroom. Since it's my mom's day off, we didn't really want to get out of our pajamas and go to Walmart. Especially since we're making Poulet Poele a l'Estragon tonight and have to be working on it a bit on and off for a few hours. So we searched the house and came across a soap dispenser under the sink (I swear they really did leave everything). The price tag says $22.50. And it's smaller than the Bath & Body Works soaps. Some people will spend on the most ridiculous things... But it smells like raspberry so we don't care. haha

I also lost six pounds this week. Puts me at 122 lbs. Mom's mad because I'm officially under her weight. haha She's worried though so she made me promise to start eating lunch when she's at work, which I never like doing anyway but I suppose I will now. The recent developments led to problems with my ring, which I've had for 4 years now. It doesn't fit anymore, which frustrates me because I almost lost it yesterday. And I know if I do take it off, the cat will undoubtedly eat it. He eats everything. And has started giving me dead "presents" when he finds them. I guess that comes with having a basement and a yard.

That leaves Ben. We were talking yesterday about my recent romantic endeavors, and it occurred to me that he's had a part in both. See the reason I even ever talked to Matt was to make Ben jealous, and then the latest attempt, I ended because it was unfair to the other boy to lead him on while all my thoughts were about Ben. And that's when I came to the conclusion that instead of getting involved anymore, I'm going to just stick to school. Because the only boy I even want is the same one I've wanted all along. And 1,100 miles might be far and I know I really never had a chance to begin with, but I guess that's what wishing stars are for. (:

Speaking of Ben, he said he was going to make me an instructional video on how to make paper fortunes. I'm still breathlessly anticipating this video. :P

I also got a new CD. Deas Vail's "Birds & Cages". It's wonderful. <3 I recommend it if you like Relient K or Paper Route. I like both.

Anyway this post is rather lengthy, which is a good thing, because that means there's more to be happy about than I thought.
Thanks to Kyle, Bethany, Ben, and Chris for being awesome and making me smile and laugh yesterday when I actually did feel somewhat close to the edge. I love you all. (: