Well Today Was Emotionally Trying. I Think I Deserve A Hug.

So. Matt. Remember the insane ghost thing?
Apparently today it tried to kill him. Now, I'm not...well...okay so I started thinking, maybe he's for real about all this. So for about an hour and a half, I cried and tried to help him with all this stuff, then I figured, enough of this, if the "ghost" will leave him alone if I leave, then I'll leave. I wrote him a goodbye letter. Then the "ghost" told him he had 7 more days to live.

That's when I recalled what Zach said about ghosts being demons and such. (THANK YOU, ZACH, YOU ARE BRILLIANT.) I told him, he accepted the possibility, asked how to get rid of demons. I told him the only way out is Jesus. Then I asked him if he wanted to be free. If he wanted to give up everything he'd ever known, and everything he wanted, even me, just to follow Jesus and give Him his life. He said he would. Asked me to pray with him. I prayed with him. I'm not sure if he really meant it, but that's between him and God. He says he felt like a weight was lifted. And then he said "I don't feel them. The spirits. Maybe you were right - maybe they were demons all along." I was like "That could very well be." and then he replied with "Who are you?"

Apparently, he forgot everything. Forgot about his ghost problem, forgot he has 2 ex boyfriends, forgot about Katie-Ana and Taylor and Ben and who I even was. He even forgot he was gay. He only remembers the basic things - his sister, his nephew, his address, etc. I freaked out for a moment and went all "BUT WE HAD PLANS. YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED. AND ADOPT A LITTLE GIRL. AND MOVE TO FRANCE AND OPEN A COFFEE SHOP TOGETHER." He was like "what the heck are you talking about?" And that's when I realized, what the hell was I doing? Whether or not he really forgot everything, this is my way out.

I'm not going to remind him or flirt with him. I'm going to slowly pretend nothing was ever there between us. It gets me out of breaking up. This is a perfect setup.

But it's weird. Really weird.
And I'm spent. I feel exhausted emotionally.
I need a hug.