Perspective

I purposely lost my parents today at Epcot. I lost them and I watched to see what they'd do. My mom got frantic, like I expected. But like I didn't expect, my dad tried to comfort her. It was different, almost like a different side of him. He talked to her calmly and held her hand. And for a moment I could see them both, young, only in high school, and in love. I could see them the way they must have been at one point before things broke, before me. And for that moment, I knew she'd be okay after me. That maybe all along that one piece of hope was right. That after I'm gone, she'll be taken care of the same way she was before it all. It made me smile. Of course, I soon found them, and brought ice cream as an apology gift. But it made me wonder. A change of perspective.

Once we were back at the hotel, I let perspectives change again. I sat and watched the world I've always wanted slip away. And instead of doing what I always do - close my eyes, wish it away, and eventually allow it to drift from my memory - I decided to tear it apart completely. To watch it all break and let the pieces scatter. I let it break and it hurt. It hurt terribly. But I saw it from far away, and from far away it all seems rather silly. All this worrying and caring. From far away it was like seeing it from a different side. A side that says there is no reason to keep going and there is no reason to give up. It's all what I decide to do with it. I guess you could say for the first time, I understood. Really understood. The change in perspective scared me a little. It felt like it would be surprisingly easy to let it all go if I did it now. Mom would be taken care of and things wouldn't be half as hard to end this way. But at the same time, it would be surprisingly easy to change what I think. I could change it all, flip it backwards and make a new world. Dream something new and entirely wonderful and reach it.

Perspective. It either brings hope or fear or sometimes even both. But whatever it brings, one thing is for certain. It brings change. And I'm hoping things will change. And I'm hoping for the better.