At the moment I'm sitting on my bed looking for stars to wish on. I don't mean to quote Hayley Williams, but I could really use a wish right now. I guess you could say today was a bad day. And I guess you could say tonight was a bad night. There's been a lot of yelling, a lot of letdowns, a lot of circles that my mind's been wandering through. I don't know which way's up right now. I just know that tomorrow I'm not staying here. Ben asked me once if I had a happy place. I thought it was a funny question, but when I thought about it, I think a place that made me the happiest in life was the boardwalk in Atlantic City. So somewhere tonight I'm hoping I'll find myself back there in my mind - smelling the ocean, watching the stars, the lights of a carnival adding that sense of magic to the air. I don't want to dream about what I did last night. I wrote that down today. But I'm crossing it out now and tearing it up. I know I'll regret it; I know I'll want to have kept it, but it made me think and I don't want to think right now.

I'm going to bed. I'd say goodnight, but nothing about right now is good.