What Would The Sun Look Like Without The Clouds?

I realize I haven't actually posted something meaningful in 5 days.
I apologize.
To be honest, I just really don't want to write to you. Don't take it personally, you've done nothing wrong. I just have nothing I want to say for you or the internet to hear. There really is nothing to say. I'm not even certain I know what's going on anymore. The more I think about everything, the less it all makes sense, given it made much to begin with, and writing it just worsens the situation.

I suppose I could update on some things that have been happening lately.

We arrived home from Florida. The trip was nothing special. Nothing terribly intriguing. Simply a very long drive. The night we got home, we were so happy to see our little apartment building. We were not so pleased to see the eviction notice in the mailbox. It's not called that. I keep forgetting what it is called. The bank is taking back our apartment if we don't pay $50,000 on it by the end of the month. Goodness knows even my dad can't afford that much money, though he is trying to help us. I gave all my money, which totaled near $3, to the effort as did mom. At least we're not going down without a fight. It was a terrible night however. I hadn't slept in days, and my parents were both (quite loudly as is the natural tendency when stressed) calling people they know asking for advice, help, whatever they could get at 10:30 at night. They sent me to the kitchen to make supper, which was to be cheese soup as that's the only food we had. I just sat there, frustrated, sad, and dismal - trying very hard not to curse or cry or collapse from exhaustion.

It was a long night.

Since then things have been alright. We've still come up with only $6,000, but we're making the best of what time we have in the house still. Mom's been working herself doing double shifts and watching a drug-testing center now. Those places where they test new medications for side effects. They pay the patients thousands for only a few days of work, but unfortunately not the nurses. But every bit helps. I'm cat-sitting for the neighbor now for the same reasons. Two cats. And I'm not fond of cats in the first place, although her cats are more stupid than mine. I mean that in the literal sense; my cat is sneaky and devious, these ones are content to stretch out on a little pad shaped like a mouse and sleep all day as long as they have food and water. I don't think there's much to be said as far as thought processes are concerned. Which is a good thing, because as a result they are very sweet.

There have been a few bad moments since we got home, however. There have been things going on I'd rather not say. Fears, addictions, and changes. I'm not fond of the direction things are going. I'd rather not clarify on this point, though. Not here. I can't tell if it was as a result or not, but Wednesday night I had a bit of a breakdown. I thought I knew what happened, but I think it was the weather and the reason I expected and everything else tied into a knot. Either way, it was the worst I've been for a while. It took everything I had to get the dangerous objects locked in the cabinet, but I did and that helped considerably. I think what helped the most though, was my friends. I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't gotten sense talked into me by Emmy and Ben and had Bethany and Shannon to cheer me up and Anna to sing me Adam Lambert and Demi Lovato over text. My friends are the best, I don't know what I'd do without them. <3

Things are a little better now, I think anyway. And I'm fairly sure they'll continue to get better. Yesterday was already much better than the day before and today I can only hope will continue the trend.

To end this update on a positive note, I won a competition. My first-ever time to win a writing competition. The theme was "emotion" so I figured I had a shot. haha I wrote a short piece about two strangers who meet on the street in a small town somewhere. It was actually interesting, because they both had lost someone, and it's really confusing to explain, but someday I'll post it here; it wasn't a romance piece, it was more just...how the same loss can connect people on such a deep level.
But
That's not what I ended up submitting. I had that all spell-checked and polished. It was perfect and ready to send, when I wrote something else. I named the other piece Broken. It was something I'd never tried - a completely plotless, vague essay written in present tense. It was probably the most honest thing I've ever written. I didn't even spell-check, I simply submitted it. And won the contest. Even the other authors were enamored with it, which surprised me since their entries were beautiful and so filled with feeling.
At any rate, if you'd like to read it, it's on my Facebook under my notes. "Broken" is the title.

And now I shall leave you with the promise that I will update you soon.
If nothing else, to let you know how the neighbor's cats are doing.

P.S. I have had the worst time today spelling "neighbor". My mind thinks that looks wrong today and I keep blanking out on what would look right. :P