You Can Tell It's A Bad Day If..

I start it off listening to Secret & Whisper.
The first thing I did after I got out of bed was pull out my Zune and put on "Southern Arrow-Wood". I don't really care that the song is rather weird and about American Indian spiritualism, something about that song calms me. All their songs do. And at the moment, that's exactly what I want.

I'm aware I'm not alright, but for five minutes I felt alive - I felt like maybe I wasn't so far from being normal after all. And then I woke up from this vicious dream that's captured me. I woke up to reality. Nothing will ever be alright.

Today will be a long day. I'll spend every moment pretending I'm happy, and tonight when we're all in the car and the silence settles in, I won't sleep. I'll lie there, wishing I could close my eyes but afraid of what I'll see when I do. Instead I'll listen to some sort of music with superficial lyrics and a fast beat as loud as I can to drown out my thoughts. If I can't think, I can't feel, and if I can't feel..I can't feel sad.