There's something nice about being home, no matter how fun it is to get away. The trip was fun. Spent every waking moment just doing relatively nothing with Katie-Ana, but then again, those are the most memorable times I think. (:
The trip there was long, but I talked to Ben for a lot of it so it passed the time. <3
The earthquakes in Japan and Chile have me a little freaked though. For different reasons. Ones I won't say here just because. But that has me a little down now, I suppose.
Shoutout to Chris because he wanted Mao Asada to win the Women's Figure Skating. Lameee. :P
Speaking of Olympics, I'm sad they're ending. I love them because the whole world seems to stop and watch altogether and there's something almost comforting about it. Ben compared it to "a lamer version of Christmas" which is somewhat accurate.
Anyway I'm rambling.
I'd better go eat breakfast.
Glad to be home again. <3
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The Bobble Head On My Dash Is Only Doing Half It's Dance
Today we're going for a road trip.
Just me and mom and 13 hours of road ahead of us.
We get to stop in Chicago for pizza, so that's fun.
But I have to take school to do in the car, but only for 3 hours so that's alright.
The rest of the trip I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm not too fond of car trips because I can never sleep in the car. I suppose I'll just listen to music and knit. Maybe write some short stories if I can keep from getting car sick. Some nice people gave me advice on how to write a long story but I tried it yesterday and sat staring at a blank page where my plot ideas were supposed to be. Maybe I'll work on that.
Anyway, today's going to be very long, but I'll get to spend a few days with Katie-Ana once we get there, so that should be well worth the trip.
If I have any free time once I'm there, I'll write on here. Maybe Katie-Ana will write on here with me. Who knows?
Otherwise, I will post with stories and such on Monday.
Peace, Love, and All That
~Jazz
Just me and mom and 13 hours of road ahead of us.
We get to stop in Chicago for pizza, so that's fun.
But I have to take school to do in the car, but only for 3 hours so that's alright.
The rest of the trip I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm not too fond of car trips because I can never sleep in the car. I suppose I'll just listen to music and knit. Maybe write some short stories if I can keep from getting car sick. Some nice people gave me advice on how to write a long story but I tried it yesterday and sat staring at a blank page where my plot ideas were supposed to be. Maybe I'll work on that.
Anyway, today's going to be very long, but I'll get to spend a few days with Katie-Ana once we get there, so that should be well worth the trip.
If I have any free time once I'm there, I'll write on here. Maybe Katie-Ana will write on here with me. Who knows?
Otherwise, I will post with stories and such on Monday.
Peace, Love, and All That
~Jazz
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
"Quietly"
He crept through the house,
Making sure not to make a sound.
Closing the door behind him, he turned towards the well-known path.
Quickly, quickly.
She slipped out her bedroom,
Slowly closed the door.
And crept along the hallway -
Quietly, quietly.
From behind in her own room,
She could hear her mother sleep.
The sound of even breathing
Slipping from within -
Quietly, quietly.
She sent one backwards glance;
Was it worth it, would it work?
The doubt slid away as she thought of his smile
She turned and opened the front door
And vanished into the night -
Quietly, quietly.
He took no note of the snow as it fell,
But hurried to the meeting spot they both knew so well
Tried to find the park bench, because he knew that she'd show up -
Quickly, quickly.
She wandered down the sidewalks
Drenched in midnight's velvet magic
The perfect stars looked down and laughed -
Quietly, quietly.
She made first footprints in the snow
The glittered magic still falling,
It rehearsed it's ancient dance,
twirling in the patterns taught it by the fairies -
Quietly, quietly.
She danced along with the snow
Until she found their meeting place
The old park bench overlooking the fountain
Of water that fell in diamond cascades
But it was the thought of him that made her hum a tune -
Quietly, quietly.
He looked her in the eyes, and she really was beautiful.
He almost felt like telling her to go back home
To spare her the heartbreak that he knew was coming...
But temptation was too beautiful,
Like the starlight in her pale blue eyes
Barely thinking, barely caring, he kissed her -
Quickly, quickly.
They talked that night for hours,
His brilliant smile caused her flutters
His three whispered words caused her heart to race -
Quietly, quietly.
He kissed her.
The warmth and softness made her feel alive
And all she wanted was for this midnight to last forever.
She looked up at the stars and wished -
Quietly, quietly.
She didn't want to say goodbye,
But she knew she had to.
She'd see him the next day,
The thought made her smile brighter.
She danced her way home, twirling with a song singing through her heart -
Quietly, quietly.
He wondered if she'd be here.
See him in the hallway - ask him questions.
He swallowed, closed his locker, and headed to class -
Quickly, quickly.
She wandered through the hallway
A fadeless smile across her face
She was in love, and he'd said he loved her -
Quietly, quietly.
But that was when she saw him.
His thoughts lost in auburn eyes.
He spoke to her, her brown eyes smiled
While blue ones filled with tears that fell -
Quietly, quietly.
She turned and left
With not a word,
She didn't want to see his smile
Or hear his voice.
Not while her heart was breaking into pieces -
Quietly, quietly.
He knew she saw him, knew she heard.
He tried to stop her, but she left too quickly.
He called her name and followed -
Quickly, quickly.
He found her later, on the park bench, by the fountain of sparkling water.
He couldn't see from far away how still she lay there watching.
He called her name to no response, he quickened his pace.
He froze when he saw the crimson pool that stained the grass surrounding.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, this wasn't the ending he intended.
And three words were all that escaped his lips -
"I'm so sorry" he whispered
Quietly, quietly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written for English class. It's supposed to be rhythmic free verse in a 3/4/5 pattern. And yes it's a bit dark, but it's a dramatic expression of something I actually dealt with for a while, so I guess that's the inspiration.
Comments/Criticism = <3
Making sure not to make a sound.
Closing the door behind him, he turned towards the well-known path.
Quickly, quickly.
She slipped out her bedroom,
Slowly closed the door.
And crept along the hallway -
Quietly, quietly.
From behind in her own room,
She could hear her mother sleep.
The sound of even breathing
Slipping from within -
Quietly, quietly.
She sent one backwards glance;
Was it worth it, would it work?
The doubt slid away as she thought of his smile
She turned and opened the front door
And vanished into the night -
Quietly, quietly.
He took no note of the snow as it fell,
But hurried to the meeting spot they both knew so well
Tried to find the park bench, because he knew that she'd show up -
Quickly, quickly.
She wandered down the sidewalks
Drenched in midnight's velvet magic
The perfect stars looked down and laughed -
Quietly, quietly.
She made first footprints in the snow
The glittered magic still falling,
It rehearsed it's ancient dance,
twirling in the patterns taught it by the fairies -
Quietly, quietly.
She danced along with the snow
Until she found their meeting place
The old park bench overlooking the fountain
Of water that fell in diamond cascades
But it was the thought of him that made her hum a tune -
Quietly, quietly.
He looked her in the eyes, and she really was beautiful.
He almost felt like telling her to go back home
To spare her the heartbreak that he knew was coming...
But temptation was too beautiful,
Like the starlight in her pale blue eyes
Barely thinking, barely caring, he kissed her -
Quickly, quickly.
They talked that night for hours,
His brilliant smile caused her flutters
His three whispered words caused her heart to race -
Quietly, quietly.
He kissed her.
The warmth and softness made her feel alive
And all she wanted was for this midnight to last forever.
She looked up at the stars and wished -
Quietly, quietly.
She didn't want to say goodbye,
But she knew she had to.
She'd see him the next day,
The thought made her smile brighter.
She danced her way home, twirling with a song singing through her heart -
Quietly, quietly.
He wondered if she'd be here.
See him in the hallway - ask him questions.
He swallowed, closed his locker, and headed to class -
Quickly, quickly.
She wandered through the hallway
A fadeless smile across her face
She was in love, and he'd said he loved her -
Quietly, quietly.
But that was when she saw him.
His thoughts lost in auburn eyes.
He spoke to her, her brown eyes smiled
While blue ones filled with tears that fell -
Quietly, quietly.
She turned and left
With not a word,
She didn't want to see his smile
Or hear his voice.
Not while her heart was breaking into pieces -
Quietly, quietly.
He knew she saw him, knew she heard.
He tried to stop her, but she left too quickly.
He called her name and followed -
Quickly, quickly.
He found her later, on the park bench, by the fountain of sparkling water.
He couldn't see from far away how still she lay there watching.
He called her name to no response, he quickened his pace.
He froze when he saw the crimson pool that stained the grass surrounding.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, this wasn't the ending he intended.
And three words were all that escaped his lips -
"I'm so sorry" he whispered
Quietly, quietly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written for English class. It's supposed to be rhythmic free verse in a 3/4/5 pattern. And yes it's a bit dark, but it's a dramatic expression of something I actually dealt with for a while, so I guess that's the inspiration.
Comments/Criticism = <3
I only got 3 hours of sleep last night.
Mom came home somewhere around 2. She felt so bad and apologized at least a hundred times. See, she's just like me - an ocean of emotions. We both keep it well-hidden from the world, and kept to our selves. It can get a bit...conflicting. I however, have you. I rant and ramble and get everything out on paper. Which is why you are notebook 27. She has nowhere to let it out, so every once in a while, it'll get to be too much and she'll breakdown. So I understand completely. I'm just glad she's home. <3 And she promised she won't ever leave me again. Anyway, we settled it all over a cup of tea and went back to bed.
But that's not the only reason. I was just getting to sleep before all that happened when Ben decided to text. We talked a bit, then I wasn't tired so I wrote for a while after he left. So I'd only gotten to sleep just about an hour before Mom got home.
And then after she had gotten to bed, I sat up for a while somewhere between being awake and drifting off. And then Ben had a dream about spiders and me and a living room window and goodness knows what else and decided to tell me all about it. We talked for about 40 minutes. He jumbled his words, I didn't make any sense, and this morning we don't really remember ever even having that conversation.
But that's why I got no sleep last night.
But I don't mind. I can't think of a better reason to stay up.
Besides there's something about night time. It's better than the day. There's something ethereal about it. Almost a magic that can enchant you to believe almost anything can happen.
In the light of day, sometimes things are revealed. Things that the veil of darkness and stars can hide.
Things that I'd rather forget.
Mom came home somewhere around 2. She felt so bad and apologized at least a hundred times. See, she's just like me - an ocean of emotions. We both keep it well-hidden from the world, and kept to our selves. It can get a bit...conflicting. I however, have you. I rant and ramble and get everything out on paper. Which is why you are notebook 27. She has nowhere to let it out, so every once in a while, it'll get to be too much and she'll breakdown. So I understand completely. I'm just glad she's home. <3 And she promised she won't ever leave me again. Anyway, we settled it all over a cup of tea and went back to bed.
But that's not the only reason. I was just getting to sleep before all that happened when Ben decided to text. We talked a bit, then I wasn't tired so I wrote for a while after he left. So I'd only gotten to sleep just about an hour before Mom got home.
And then after she had gotten to bed, I sat up for a while somewhere between being awake and drifting off. And then Ben had a dream about spiders and me and a living room window and goodness knows what else and decided to tell me all about it. We talked for about 40 minutes. He jumbled his words, I didn't make any sense, and this morning we don't really remember ever even having that conversation.
But that's why I got no sleep last night.
But I don't mind. I can't think of a better reason to stay up.
Besides there's something about night time. It's better than the day. There's something ethereal about it. Almost a magic that can enchant you to believe almost anything can happen.
In the light of day, sometimes things are revealed. Things that the veil of darkness and stars can hide.
Things that I'd rather forget.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
.
I'm happy.
You don't need to know why I'm happy.
Because if you need to know, you already do.
(p.s. it's because of you <3)
You don't need to know why I'm happy.
Because if you need to know, you already do.
(p.s. it's because of you <3)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Counting raindrops
I wonder if anybody's ever tried that before.
I like the rain, but I like it during summer when it's warm outside.
When it's cloudy and cold it makes me feel sad. Unless there's someone to spend the rainy day with. Though goodness knows that's just daydreaming.
I fixed some broken bridges today. That went well. Then I took a nap and had happy dreams that I will proceed to write down eventually. I got a chance to talk to Katie and Ben, and that was fun. They're always there when I need them most.
But, I really miss my mom right now. I sorta lied to you earlier. She didn't go job-hunting and she won't be back tonight. She left with little to no word of where she was going or why and no sign of coming back anytime soon.
Honestly I've never felt so alone before today. To be unwanted by one parent's bad enough, but when both of them leave you..there's no way to really explain the emptiness. She's always been there. Always been all I've ever had. After so long of just the two of us, without her here the house feels empty. Hannibal won't move. He sat in front of the door all day just staring at it like she'll magically reappear through it the second he takes his eyes off it.
This post sounds hopeless. And maybe it is.
Right now I just want her to come home.
I like the rain, but I like it during summer when it's warm outside.
When it's cloudy and cold it makes me feel sad. Unless there's someone to spend the rainy day with. Though goodness knows that's just daydreaming.
I fixed some broken bridges today. That went well. Then I took a nap and had happy dreams that I will proceed to write down eventually. I got a chance to talk to Katie and Ben, and that was fun. They're always there when I need them most.
But, I really miss my mom right now. I sorta lied to you earlier. She didn't go job-hunting and she won't be back tonight. She left with little to no word of where she was going or why and no sign of coming back anytime soon.
Honestly I've never felt so alone before today. To be unwanted by one parent's bad enough, but when both of them leave you..there's no way to really explain the emptiness. She's always been there. Always been all I've ever had. After so long of just the two of us, without her here the house feels empty. Hannibal won't move. He sat in front of the door all day just staring at it like she'll magically reappear through it the second he takes his eyes off it.
This post sounds hopeless. And maybe it is.
Right now I just want her to come home.
There's no point in living, if you can't feel alive...
Today I'm having a James Bond marathon. "The World Is Not Enough" is my favorite Bond movie ever, just because I love the theme song. Beyond that, I confuse them all like crazy. I should have started school an hour ago. I have lots to do today. But I don't feel like doing it.
So I'm sitting here, drinking chai tea, eating some form of sugary Little Debbie cake (they're all the same once you get past the different icings), watching spy movies.
I'm fully aware of the fact I can't keep this much sugar down for more than 15 minutes or so.
I'm fully aware of the fact that I will have to do school every day until the end of July.
But for once, I want to do something I want to do without having to give a second thought to better judgment. I always tell myself that the past is the framework for today, and we should live without regrets, but right now I just want to forget it all and get lost in 1970s England.
Today there's freezing rain outside. Mom's out job-searching and she will be til late. So I have all day.
The other day I mentioned that there was a This Providence song for every situation. And, really, there is. Falling in love, feeling rejected, breaking promises, addictions, making new friends - every situation really. Today I put my zune on shuffle and came across a song that put it exactly how I would if I could.
Music's funny that way. They sing the words you couldn't find. If you want you can memorize them and then you can go say them to whoever they need said to. Just don't literally sing them. That will get you slapped. I know this from experience.
So I'm sitting here, drinking chai tea, eating some form of sugary Little Debbie cake (they're all the same once you get past the different icings), watching spy movies.
I'm fully aware of the fact I can't keep this much sugar down for more than 15 minutes or so.
I'm fully aware of the fact that I will have to do school every day until the end of July.
But for once, I want to do something I want to do without having to give a second thought to better judgment. I always tell myself that the past is the framework for today, and we should live without regrets, but right now I just want to forget it all and get lost in 1970s England.
Today there's freezing rain outside. Mom's out job-searching and she will be til late. So I have all day.
The other day I mentioned that there was a This Providence song for every situation. And, really, there is. Falling in love, feeling rejected, breaking promises, addictions, making new friends - every situation really. Today I put my zune on shuffle and came across a song that put it exactly how I would if I could.
Music's funny that way. They sing the words you couldn't find. If you want you can memorize them and then you can go say them to whoever they need said to. Just don't literally sing them. That will get you slapped. I know this from experience.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
"Movie Night"
---
Written: 2/21/10
Characters: Cory and Jaimie (fictional)
Setting: Cory's living room at a sleepover
Perspective: third person POV
WRITTEN FOR BEN. Because otherwise this would not be here. :P
---
Cory put the DVD in the player and sat back down next to Jaimie on the couch. "Are you sure this isn't a scary movie?" Jaimie asked.
"Positive. I wouldn't want to scare you away from my house." he teased. The two had been friends for quite some time now, but had only just convinced their parents to let them have a sleepover. Jaimie picked up the large bowl full of popcorn and M&M's and placed it between them. The title flashed across the screen, captivating both teens' attention.
Jaimie watched the movie with dulled attention. Her thoughts centered more on the boy sitting beside her. She stole quick glances at him. His dark hair contrasted perfectly with his mysterious grey eyes as they reflected the quickly escaping sunlight from the little window. Jaimie caught herself blushiing and pulled her arms close around herself, looking downward. Cory noticed her change in position.
"Cold?" For lack of a better response, she simply nodded. He paused the movie and walked over to a basket behind the television. "We have a really fuzzy blanket, but it's really big. We could share it though. I mean, if you want."
"S-sure." she stumbled, smiling. Cory spread the blanket across the two of them. The darkness soon spread in all around them. Jaimie moved the now empty popcorn bowl back to the floor and pulled her feet up onto the couch. She bit her lip, looking over at Cory nervously. Slowly, she reached across and slipped her hand nonchalantly under his and waited for a reaction. He slid his fingers between hers, smiling. Suddenly the movie took on a new dimension. The colors brightened, the sounds melted into a melody. Jaimie scooted slightly closer, causing Cory's smile to widen. The movie was somewhere near ending when Jaimie let out a yawn.
"You tired?" Cory asked quietly. Jaimie nodded again. "It's almost over, promise." He said turning back to the television. On a whim, Jaimie leaned closer over and rested her head gently on his shoulder. He didn't move away or ask what she was thinking, instead moved a little closer to make her more comfortable. She closed her eyes, not as much in search of rest as out of pure contentment. Soon enough her breathing slowed into the rhythmic patterns of sleep. Cory looked down at her. She was so beautiful in that moment, her short strawberry blond hair complementing her ivory skin - her green eyes closed in peaceful dreaming. Cory tried moving, only to find his hand still firmly held by Jaimie's. Changing his mind, he leaned his head on hers instead.
The credits rolled unwatched - Cory had already drifted off to the sweetest dreams.
---
Not using any real people. Sadness. It was supposed to, but I didn't want to creep out individuals, so shh.
Also I swear this was so much less awkward in my head. Inspiration was from daydreams and a movie nights with my mom.
So, comment or something if you like it. haha
(:
Written: 2/21/10
Characters: Cory and Jaimie (fictional)
Setting: Cory's living room at a sleepover
Perspective: third person POV
WRITTEN FOR BEN. Because otherwise this would not be here. :P
---
Cory put the DVD in the player and sat back down next to Jaimie on the couch. "Are you sure this isn't a scary movie?" Jaimie asked.
"Positive. I wouldn't want to scare you away from my house." he teased. The two had been friends for quite some time now, but had only just convinced their parents to let them have a sleepover. Jaimie picked up the large bowl full of popcorn and M&M's and placed it between them. The title flashed across the screen, captivating both teens' attention.
Jaimie watched the movie with dulled attention. Her thoughts centered more on the boy sitting beside her. She stole quick glances at him. His dark hair contrasted perfectly with his mysterious grey eyes as they reflected the quickly escaping sunlight from the little window. Jaimie caught herself blushiing and pulled her arms close around herself, looking downward. Cory noticed her change in position.
"Cold?" For lack of a better response, she simply nodded. He paused the movie and walked over to a basket behind the television. "We have a really fuzzy blanket, but it's really big. We could share it though. I mean, if you want."
"S-sure." she stumbled, smiling. Cory spread the blanket across the two of them. The darkness soon spread in all around them. Jaimie moved the now empty popcorn bowl back to the floor and pulled her feet up onto the couch. She bit her lip, looking over at Cory nervously. Slowly, she reached across and slipped her hand nonchalantly under his and waited for a reaction. He slid his fingers between hers, smiling. Suddenly the movie took on a new dimension. The colors brightened, the sounds melted into a melody. Jaimie scooted slightly closer, causing Cory's smile to widen. The movie was somewhere near ending when Jaimie let out a yawn.
"You tired?" Cory asked quietly. Jaimie nodded again. "It's almost over, promise." He said turning back to the television. On a whim, Jaimie leaned closer over and rested her head gently on his shoulder. He didn't move away or ask what she was thinking, instead moved a little closer to make her more comfortable. She closed her eyes, not as much in search of rest as out of pure contentment. Soon enough her breathing slowed into the rhythmic patterns of sleep. Cory looked down at her. She was so beautiful in that moment, her short strawberry blond hair complementing her ivory skin - her green eyes closed in peaceful dreaming. Cory tried moving, only to find his hand still firmly held by Jaimie's. Changing his mind, he leaned his head on hers instead.
The credits rolled unwatched - Cory had already drifted off to the sweetest dreams.
---
Not using any real people. Sadness. It was supposed to, but I didn't want to creep out individuals, so shh.
Also I swear this was so much less awkward in my head. Inspiration was from daydreams and a movie nights with my mom.
So, comment or something if you like it. haha
(:
"...green eyes which were closed in peaceful dreaming"
that sentence fragment is so incredibly awkward. How can you tell his eyes are green if they're closed? lameness defined.
I wrote a lovely little story last night. The classic "falling asleep watching movies" type story. And I swear it made better sense in my head. I re-read it today because I was going to type it out and post it here, but alas, I don't have the energy to practically re-write the whole thing.
I'm just not having a very good time with words.
Yesterday I fought with Katie and tried to apologize and I couldn't say it right so it just made everything worse.
And then Ben...gosh. I always try to keep up conversation with him, but I get all nervous and end up saying the stupidest things. He probably thinks I have the mental capacity of a 5th grader.
Anyway, in an attempt to be inspired, I read a few fiction oneshots on fictionpress today. Came across the cutest one about an 8th grade field trip. I love the quirky little stories that sound so badly written, but yet so cute. Reminds me of the things I write. haha
On a different note, I love my mom's keyboard. It makes cool sounds when I type. And it feels cool. I should stop typing now and start editing.
Or knitting.
x3
I wrote a lovely little story last night. The classic "falling asleep watching movies" type story. And I swear it made better sense in my head. I re-read it today because I was going to type it out and post it here, but alas, I don't have the energy to practically re-write the whole thing.
I'm just not having a very good time with words.
Yesterday I fought with Katie and tried to apologize and I couldn't say it right so it just made everything worse.
And then Ben...gosh. I always try to keep up conversation with him, but I get all nervous and end up saying the stupidest things. He probably thinks I have the mental capacity of a 5th grader.
Anyway, in an attempt to be inspired, I read a few fiction oneshots on fictionpress today. Came across the cutest one about an 8th grade field trip. I love the quirky little stories that sound so badly written, but yet so cute. Reminds me of the things I write. haha
On a different note, I love my mom's keyboard. It makes cool sounds when I type. And it feels cool. I should stop typing now and start editing.
Or knitting.
x3
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Ugh.
Today was the longest day of my life.
And I want to talk about it.
Just not to you.
So just know that I'm so glad it's over.
And I want to talk about it.
Just not to you.
So just know that I'm so glad it's over.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Let's Ramble.
So last night was the men's figure skating finals. Evan Lysacek won! Go Evan, he was really cool. And he's nice and very gracious about Plushenko being such a jerk about the whole thing. But Johnny got put in 5th. Because the score is 40% based on the judges personal opinion of whatever. The skater himself, his costume, his music, whatever they want to judge. Which makes it rather unfair if you ask me. But it's okay, because as long as Plushenko didn't win I was happy. :P
On a different note, I'm knitting again. It's an addiction, I swear. I'm using textured yarn for the first time so it's realllly difficult, but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. haha
And I looked. But it wasn't my fault this time. ): But I was sad, nonetheless. I really need to stop looking because I've been otherwise on this pretty happy spree for, like...a week and a half now. So I'm going to pretend I didn't see anything, and just continue being happy.
So yes I rambled. xD
On a different note, I'm knitting again. It's an addiction, I swear. I'm using textured yarn for the first time so it's realllly difficult, but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. haha
And I looked. But it wasn't my fault this time. ): But I was sad, nonetheless. I really need to stop looking because I've been otherwise on this pretty happy spree for, like...a week and a half now. So I'm going to pretend I didn't see anything, and just continue being happy.
So yes I rambled. xD
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
There's No Place Like...Home.
Yeah I'm home. Got airsick as always. Seriously you think I'd adjust. xD
Anyway I didn't want to come home this time. Home seems so boring right now. But I guess that's better. I think Hanson missed me.
I had alot of fun this trip though. I got to go stay at Taylor's house. And though he was either high or unconscious 3/4 of the time, it gave me time to get to know his boyfriend Chris a little. They live together, so it was a little awkward. I mean, I never really said much to him before, but the first night there we stayed up talking for a long time. Turns out he's really nice.
He's nothing you would expect. Everything about him is so contradictory. He's very quiet, shy, and to himself. He's smart and thoughtful, and somewhat serious. I'm still not quite sure how he and Taylor met, let alone started dating. Here's a bit more of a contradiction - Chris is a dancer at a gay bar, and a part time bartender. I can see him doing the latter, but the first...well I've seen him doing that before (on New Years Eve) and he's good at it, it's just...so not what you'd expect if you got to know him.
Anyway, he's one of those people who can tell when something's wrong and won't ask questions, but as much as you tell him, you can know he'll listen. And he's very very nice. So yes, I finally found an opinion on him, and the opinion is I like him very much. It was sad to say goodbye this morning at the airport but he says he'll keep up with me on Facebook, so that's good.
Just wanted to introduce him to the blog and let you know I'm home again. (:
Anyway I didn't want to come home this time. Home seems so boring right now. But I guess that's better. I think Hanson missed me.
I had alot of fun this trip though. I got to go stay at Taylor's house. And though he was either high or unconscious 3/4 of the time, it gave me time to get to know his boyfriend Chris a little. They live together, so it was a little awkward. I mean, I never really said much to him before, but the first night there we stayed up talking for a long time. Turns out he's really nice.
He's nothing you would expect. Everything about him is so contradictory. He's very quiet, shy, and to himself. He's smart and thoughtful, and somewhat serious. I'm still not quite sure how he and Taylor met, let alone started dating. Here's a bit more of a contradiction - Chris is a dancer at a gay bar, and a part time bartender. I can see him doing the latter, but the first...well I've seen him doing that before (on New Years Eve) and he's good at it, it's just...so not what you'd expect if you got to know him.
Anyway, he's one of those people who can tell when something's wrong and won't ask questions, but as much as you tell him, you can know he'll listen. And he's very very nice. So yes, I finally found an opinion on him, and the opinion is I like him very much. It was sad to say goodbye this morning at the airport but he says he'll keep up with me on Facebook, so that's good.
Just wanted to introduce him to the blog and let you know I'm home again. (:
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Uh...
The dinner fell through, the pie was miserable, everything fell apart. About the time I let the smile slip a little, dinner slipped too. Chris helped me fix it all a bit. The pie was beyond fixing. We tossed it out and made lemon squares instead. Then he went into work for a staff required meeting-type-thing.
SO.
I watched the Men's Figure Skating Short Program. It was pretty good. Except Plushenko's head is way too big, and he's in 1st. But it was fun to watch. Then came Johnny Weir. All decked out in black and hot pink, as usual. He's so different from all the rest of them because it looks like one fluid movement for him, in comparison to all the choppy strings of requirements from the rest of them. I also just now realized he's left handed. Which is awesome. And he didn't mess up a single time! I quite liked it.
But apparently the judges didn't as he only landed in sixth.
Whatever, he blew kisses at the camera so I was quite content with his performance. :P
Chris is a bigger fan than I am so I taped it for him so we're going to re-watch it when he gets back.
Anyway, the smile's slipping again, and I know why and it's stupid, so no, I'm not going to tell it here. I have to go home tomorrow too. The flight leaves at 3. In the morning. So Chris and I are staying up til then. Just because we feel like it. For the record, I haven't been talking much about Taylor because he's been sleeping most the time. Literally. He's on pain meds still, so he's been totally out of it.
Anyway if I keep rambling, I'm going to start nearing the subject of the "bleh" ness and I'd rather not go there right now because ... well because it's stupid and I don't want to talk about it. Not right now.
Off to go eat a lemon square and wait for Chris to get home so we can listen to Erin McCarley and watch Johnny Weir's performance multiple times. And then maybe Shall We Dance.
Goodnight, blog. Nice to know someone's listening.
SO.
I watched the Men's Figure Skating Short Program. It was pretty good. Except Plushenko's head is way too big, and he's in 1st. But it was fun to watch. Then came Johnny Weir. All decked out in black and hot pink, as usual. He's so different from all the rest of them because it looks like one fluid movement for him, in comparison to all the choppy strings of requirements from the rest of them. I also just now realized he's left handed. Which is awesome. And he didn't mess up a single time! I quite liked it.
But apparently the judges didn't as he only landed in sixth.
Whatever, he blew kisses at the camera so I was quite content with his performance. :P
Chris is a bigger fan than I am so I taped it for him so we're going to re-watch it when he gets back.
Anyway, the smile's slipping again, and I know why and it's stupid, so no, I'm not going to tell it here. I have to go home tomorrow too. The flight leaves at 3. In the morning. So Chris and I are staying up til then. Just because we feel like it. For the record, I haven't been talking much about Taylor because he's been sleeping most the time. Literally. He's on pain meds still, so he's been totally out of it.
Anyway if I keep rambling, I'm going to start nearing the subject of the "bleh" ness and I'd rather not go there right now because ... well because it's stupid and I don't want to talk about it. Not right now.
Off to go eat a lemon square and wait for Chris to get home so we can listen to Erin McCarley and watch Johnny Weir's performance multiple times. And then maybe Shall We Dance.
Goodnight, blog. Nice to know someone's listening.
Did we enjoy ourselves when we destroyed ourselves?
I had never heard the song "Rescue" before yesterday, because I'm guilty of doing that thing where you get a CD, listen to it once, pick 5 favorite songs and only ever listen to those. But I listened yesterday to the other songs on 'Hello Fascination' and found that "Rescue" is a really good song, and it's now been on repeat for a good hour.
Anyway today I had midterms in almost everything. Life Management I got done with last week, but today I had Chemistry, English, and History. Tomorrow I have Geometry. And Home Ec, well, Home Ec ends tonight.
I have to coordinate, prepare, and host my own dinner party. So I'm making a "Taste of Summer" (stop laughing at the lameness). Peach pepper tarts for the appetizer, paprika dipped corn on the cob, grilled marinated steaks, cheddar biscuits, and then a lemon meringue pie for dessert.
I tried to make the pie ahead of time, but it didn't go so well. I didn't put enough flour in it,so when I was rolling it, a little tear appeared and became a hole. I put cold water on it and repaired it. In the repair, another tear appeared and became a hole. At least 12 holes later, I finally brought the pie crust under submission and folded it neatly into it's little pan. Poked some air holes in the bottom, and was halfway around the sides when I spotted a little tear.
Anyway, after all that was done we were out of cornstarch, so Chris is getting that on his way home, and then we'll be set to make the pie. The rest is already cooking a little, so it should all go smoothly.
Wish me luck!~
Anyway today I had midterms in almost everything. Life Management I got done with last week, but today I had Chemistry, English, and History. Tomorrow I have Geometry. And Home Ec, well, Home Ec ends tonight.
I have to coordinate, prepare, and host my own dinner party. So I'm making a "Taste of Summer" (stop laughing at the lameness). Peach pepper tarts for the appetizer, paprika dipped corn on the cob, grilled marinated steaks, cheddar biscuits, and then a lemon meringue pie for dessert.
I tried to make the pie ahead of time, but it didn't go so well. I didn't put enough flour in it,so when I was rolling it, a little tear appeared and became a hole. I put cold water on it and repaired it. In the repair, another tear appeared and became a hole. At least 12 holes later, I finally brought the pie crust under submission and folded it neatly into it's little pan. Poked some air holes in the bottom, and was halfway around the sides when I spotted a little tear.
Anyway, after all that was done we were out of cornstarch, so Chris is getting that on his way home, and then we'll be set to make the pie. The rest is already cooking a little, so it should all go smoothly.
Wish me luck!~
Monday, February 15, 2010
Even bad days can never end badly..
I went over to Dad's house tonight to pick up my mom. They were having a really loud 'discussion' upstairs. Things happened, I got involved, I got yelled at and I usually could care less, but what he said really hurt this time for some reason.
I was really down, and talked about it to Ben a little. It didn't even really matter that he was talking like he was from 1930s England. It made it all seem like just another day. Made me feel like someone cared.
Proves that even the bad days can't end badly. <3
I was really down, and talked about it to Ben a little. It didn't even really matter that he was talking like he was from 1930s England. It made it all seem like just another day. Made me feel like someone cared.
Proves that even the bad days can't end badly. <3
So Chris says whenever I feel really frustrated and down, I should write out a list of good vs. bad. So this is my list.
Bad:
- I'm still in school
- I think I said something wrong this morning but idk and I'm too scared to ask...
- I have a terrible throbbing headache
Good:
- I got to go shopping today and we pretended we were supermodels. It was amazing.
- I get to watch olympics ice skating again tonight (speaking of olympics, anyone see Canada get their first home-gold last night? It was pretty darn cool, I must say)
- I can feel my pulse when I brush my hair :D
So yes, good will always win.
Though right now I think I just want to go to sleep.
xD
But, no, I like today. Besides the saying something wrong (did I btw? D: ), there's been nothing bothersome, and it was sunny, and I got to act like a dork and sing along with Audio DayDream turned up as loud as possible in the car. It was amazing. <3
Bad:
- I'm still in school
- I think I said something wrong this morning but idk and I'm too scared to ask...
- I have a terrible throbbing headache
Good:
- I got to go shopping today and we pretended we were supermodels. It was amazing.
- I get to watch olympics ice skating again tonight (speaking of olympics, anyone see Canada get their first home-gold last night? It was pretty darn cool, I must say)
- I can feel my pulse when I brush my hair :D
So yes, good will always win.
Though right now I think I just want to go to sleep.
xD
But, no, I like today. Besides the saying something wrong (did I btw? D: ), there's been nothing bothersome, and it was sunny, and I got to act like a dork and sing along with Audio DayDream turned up as loud as possible in the car. It was amazing. <3
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Smile, People D:
So last night around midnight, we made a last minute decision to catch a flight to Denver. My mom wants to go talk to my dad in-person. She says she'll spare me though, so I get to stay at Taylor and Chris's. Which is fun. We hung out all day today. It was tons of fun to see them both again! We went and saw Valentine's Day, which I loved, and then got pizza and are now watching the Olympics.
But today also had a few darker spots.
I talked to Karl a bit today. He seemed really...short. And I mean, that's fine, but he's been like that for a long while now. And I don't know if it's maybe something I did or said, or what. He says he's just not in a very good mood so he's not talkative, but then I tried to cheer him up and he seemed to just get frustrated.
Then I talked to Ben for...a really long time. That was lots of fun, as it always is. But then later on he talked to me, and seemed really down. I tried to make him smile, but it just made it worse.
Now, if you know me, you'll know that cheering people up is sorta what I do. I love making people smile and see the bright side of things. So seeing them both seemingly down, makes me frustrated and feel bad. I want them to smile.
D:
Oh well, I suppose maybe it's not something I can help.
Anyway, Taylor's burning the popcorn so I must go help him.
But today also had a few darker spots.
I talked to Karl a bit today. He seemed really...short. And I mean, that's fine, but he's been like that for a long while now. And I don't know if it's maybe something I did or said, or what. He says he's just not in a very good mood so he's not talkative, but then I tried to cheer him up and he seemed to just get frustrated.
Then I talked to Ben for...a really long time. That was lots of fun, as it always is. But then later on he talked to me, and seemed really down. I tried to make him smile, but it just made it worse.
Now, if you know me, you'll know that cheering people up is sorta what I do. I love making people smile and see the bright side of things. So seeing them both seemingly down, makes me frustrated and feel bad. I want them to smile.
D:
Oh well, I suppose maybe it's not something I can help.
Anyway, Taylor's burning the popcorn so I must go help him.
Friday, February 12, 2010
So I talked to Zach today. He's not mad at me! :D
And he's trying to find me a doppleganger for Facebook. I might just leave it up since Kat's forcing me to take braces-less pictures on the 17th of March.
The Olympics started tonight! It was a great opening show! I loved it! Plus I know I've spent over half my life out of there, but Canada's my home country, so I of course felt very proud of the whole ceremony. So I'll be watching alot of that in the coming weeks. :)
Um..Ben's leaving on a trip.
I was going to be brave and ask him to be my valentine really early Sunday morning (Kayla was going to make sure I didn't chicken out of it too xD) but now I guess not.
I also made these crimp cookie things. They were really good. Cream cheese cookies or something was what they were called. My mom's taking them to a church party on Sunday so that's cool.
Anyway, I'm going to go watch more Olympics stuff. I love them, they seem to make the whole world seem really connected. I love it.
And he's trying to find me a doppleganger for Facebook. I might just leave it up since Kat's forcing me to take braces-less pictures on the 17th of March.
The Olympics started tonight! It was a great opening show! I loved it! Plus I know I've spent over half my life out of there, but Canada's my home country, so I of course felt very proud of the whole ceremony. So I'll be watching alot of that in the coming weeks. :)
Um..Ben's leaving on a trip.
I was going to be brave and ask him to be my valentine really early Sunday morning (Kayla was going to make sure I didn't chicken out of it too xD) but now I guess not.
I also made these crimp cookie things. They were really good. Cream cheese cookies or something was what they were called. My mom's taking them to a church party on Sunday so that's cool.
Anyway, I'm going to go watch more Olympics stuff. I love them, they seem to make the whole world seem really connected. I love it.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Frustration.
One of my friends (M) got in a fight with one of her friends (J).
I'm friends with J now, and I tried to help her because, in all reality, M was making things bad. Sure, being obsessed with someone feels pretty damn great for you, but for the rest of your friends it feels hurtful and annoying. It feels like you forget them and are purposefully putting them down just so you can spend time with the subject of your obsession.
and now M decides not to be friend with me over it.
What.the.fuck., Allie?
I mean, come on, all I said was that maybe you should try to balance your relationship with your friendships. Because if they don't even out, then you have a problem. I've been there before, on both sides of it. I just wanted to help both of you, why do you have to take every fucking thing so personal?
If you're going to be that much of a bitch, then go for it, delete me, whatever, I don't want stupidity on my Facebook.
But, all I was trying to do was help. And I'll have you know I love you very much and only want what's good for you. I know what sort of things you've said about me behind my back, and I don't care. I just want you to know anything I've ever said or talked to you about is because I love you, not because I'm trying to ruin your life or something. I don't do that.
So you can not be my friend anymore, whatever, that's fine.
But I'm still going to worry about you and wonder about you and pray for you along with all my friends because whether or not you want it, friendship is a lifelong choice. And you'll always be my friend no matter what.
Okay?
I'm friends with J now, and I tried to help her because, in all reality, M was making things bad. Sure, being obsessed with someone feels pretty damn great for you, but for the rest of your friends it feels hurtful and annoying. It feels like you forget them and are purposefully putting them down just so you can spend time with the subject of your obsession.
and now M decides not to be friend with me over it.
What.the.fuck., Allie?
I mean, come on, all I said was that maybe you should try to balance your relationship with your friendships. Because if they don't even out, then you have a problem. I've been there before, on both sides of it. I just wanted to help both of you, why do you have to take every fucking thing so personal?
If you're going to be that much of a bitch, then go for it, delete me, whatever, I don't want stupidity on my Facebook.
But, all I was trying to do was help. And I'll have you know I love you very much and only want what's good for you. I know what sort of things you've said about me behind my back, and I don't care. I just want you to know anything I've ever said or talked to you about is because I love you, not because I'm trying to ruin your life or something. I don't do that.
So you can not be my friend anymore, whatever, that's fine.
But I'm still going to worry about you and wonder about you and pray for you along with all my friends because whether or not you want it, friendship is a lifelong choice. And you'll always be my friend no matter what.
Okay?
Monday, February 8, 2010
fdjslifj
Yeah, um...stuff.
Matt's in depths of depression because I haven't talked to him in a while and yeah, idk, I'm scared he might've done something cause he was really down earlier and I wasn't around or whatevs.
And then I heard one of my friend's friends was having a really down day, so I was like "hm, she seems like a nice girl, I'll add her and try to cheer her up".
I love it when you click someone's profile and you see the "add as friend" button. The nice way to say "you were rejected, don't add me twice."
Oh the sting of virtual rejection. :P
Besides that I made a lovely lemon meringue pie today. The meringue fluffed nicely and the lemon filling was perfect. The crust was a little burnt, but with that exception it was just lovely.
And now I'm watching old Disney movies.
<3
Matt's in depths of depression because I haven't talked to him in a while and yeah, idk, I'm scared he might've done something cause he was really down earlier and I wasn't around or whatevs.
And then I heard one of my friend's friends was having a really down day, so I was like "hm, she seems like a nice girl, I'll add her and try to cheer her up".
I love it when you click someone's profile and you see the "add as friend" button. The nice way to say "you were rejected, don't add me twice."
Oh the sting of virtual rejection. :P
Besides that I made a lovely lemon meringue pie today. The meringue fluffed nicely and the lemon filling was perfect. The crust was a little burnt, but with that exception it was just lovely.
And now I'm watching old Disney movies.
<3
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Changes
Random changes are coming at me fast.
Mom got fired with no reason as to why. We got a random check for $5000 in the mail. My dad wants us to move back in together. My cat came home. He likes me again. I cut my wrists last night. I'm getting a goldfish.
I talked to Karl the other day. That was fun. I missed him for a while. But then we didn't talk about much. That sorta made me sad. I just couldn't think of anything to say. Any new topics to bring up.
Then I talked to Bethany. I wish I could help her more than I currently am. She's such a sweet girl, there's no reason life has to be like it is for her. I want the sun to shine for her, I want things to go perfectly, I want her to have not just a happy ending, but a happy story. I wish there were some way I could help her find it.
Then...Zach. I talked to Zach. It made me frustrated because all that happened was we fought about Ben. He says I'm using it as a crutch, I tried to debate it with him, then we got into a fight, and I think he's still mad at me.
Zach, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. D:
I just won't bring it up anymore...
Um...let's see...Elise got a haircut and it looks wonderful on her. I love it. And she should have won the Owl City concert. She really needed to. Lame judges. :P
Who else did I not cover...?
Matt, Ben, Kat, and Taylor.
Matt's doing fine. As is Taylor. They're living quite nice lives for now.
Ben's cool. We've been talking alot still. Things could be going better for him, but he seems to be pretty good at living life regardless so I think things will work out for him in the end. Katie-Ana's having a girl. I'm so happy for her and James! I hope things keep on going well~
So that's everybody. As for me, I don't think I really want to write about myself. I have my ups and I have my downs. Lately I've had worse downs, but I've talked them through and so I've been okay. The lowest low was when I cut my wrists again the other night. I was so scared that day. I'm not sure why but it was raining, I felt so alone, and I felt really...just completely worthless.
Of course, then I got lectured by Ben (thanks for talking me out of it all and stuff) and then I got lectured by...everybody else. And I guess they were all right, I shouldn't have done it. But now I'm scared to be alone.
Heads up to all you who I regularly talk to , expect me to talk to you alot more often and for longer times for the next week or so.
But I'll be fine because I'm always fine.
Life changes. Things get weird. Things get bad. But they'll always change back if you keep up hope. So I'm going to do just that.
(:
Mom got fired with no reason as to why. We got a random check for $5000 in the mail. My dad wants us to move back in together. My cat came home. He likes me again. I cut my wrists last night. I'm getting a goldfish.
I talked to Karl the other day. That was fun. I missed him for a while. But then we didn't talk about much. That sorta made me sad. I just couldn't think of anything to say. Any new topics to bring up.
Then I talked to Bethany. I wish I could help her more than I currently am. She's such a sweet girl, there's no reason life has to be like it is for her. I want the sun to shine for her, I want things to go perfectly, I want her to have not just a happy ending, but a happy story. I wish there were some way I could help her find it.
Then...Zach. I talked to Zach. It made me frustrated because all that happened was we fought about Ben. He says I'm using it as a crutch, I tried to debate it with him, then we got into a fight, and I think he's still mad at me.
Zach, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. D:
I just won't bring it up anymore...
Um...let's see...Elise got a haircut and it looks wonderful on her. I love it. And she should have won the Owl City concert. She really needed to. Lame judges. :P
Who else did I not cover...?
Matt, Ben, Kat, and Taylor.
Matt's doing fine. As is Taylor. They're living quite nice lives for now.
Ben's cool. We've been talking alot still. Things could be going better for him, but he seems to be pretty good at living life regardless so I think things will work out for him in the end. Katie-Ana's having a girl. I'm so happy for her and James! I hope things keep on going well~
So that's everybody. As for me, I don't think I really want to write about myself. I have my ups and I have my downs. Lately I've had worse downs, but I've talked them through and so I've been okay. The lowest low was when I cut my wrists again the other night. I was so scared that day. I'm not sure why but it was raining, I felt so alone, and I felt really...just completely worthless.
Of course, then I got lectured by Ben (thanks for talking me out of it all and stuff) and then I got lectured by...everybody else. And I guess they were all right, I shouldn't have done it. But now I'm scared to be alone.
Heads up to all you who I regularly talk to , expect me to talk to you alot more often and for longer times for the next week or so.
But I'll be fine because I'm always fine.
Life changes. Things get weird. Things get bad. But they'll always change back if you keep up hope. So I'm going to do just that.
(:
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
No Witty Titles For This Post (:
So, fair warning, if you don't want to hear lovesick rambling, I highly suggest you click back on your browser. Because that's pretty much all this is.
So, I'm sorta in love with international texting right now. Cause, like, yeah, I've been texting Ben alot and...yeah. I think it was yesterday...yeah, yesterday, we talked literally all day. And I was so insanely giddy you would've thought I was a 12 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. (who I 'basically' dislike for the record.) But we talked about nothing. And everything.
And at the end of the day, I was just..happy. No other way to describe it. (:
We planned a date. Idk if it'll ever happen, but I certainly hope so. A movie day. Ben promised it would have chick flicks and snuggling and lots of ice cream. :3
<3
And then today we found out picture-texting works too.
Ben sent a picture of him in his new glasses. (that was adorable)
Then a picture of him without a shirt. (that was just hot)
And then a picture of his messy bedroom that he had to clean. That just made me feel like a stalker. xD
But I don't know. I just...it makes me smile so much whenever I see "Benji" on my phone. I know it's overused but I honestly can't find any words to describe it besides just these;
I love him.
For those of you who read all the way through the obsessive rambling, as your prize you get to help me pick which color to dye my hair next week.
Dark Brown, Jason Dolley Blond, Shaun White red.
k, GO.
So, I'm sorta in love with international texting right now. Cause, like, yeah, I've been texting Ben alot and...yeah. I think it was yesterday...yeah, yesterday, we talked literally all day. And I was so insanely giddy you would've thought I was a 12 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. (who I 'basically' dislike for the record.) But we talked about nothing. And everything.
And at the end of the day, I was just..happy. No other way to describe it. (:
We planned a date. Idk if it'll ever happen, but I certainly hope so. A movie day. Ben promised it would have chick flicks and snuggling and lots of ice cream. :3
<3
And then today we found out picture-texting works too.
Ben sent a picture of him in his new glasses. (that was adorable)
Then a picture of him without a shirt. (that was just hot)
And then a picture of his messy bedroom that he had to clean. That just made me feel like a stalker. xD
But I don't know. I just...it makes me smile so much whenever I see "Benji" on my phone. I know it's overused but I honestly can't find any words to describe it besides just these;
I love him.
For those of you who read all the way through the obsessive rambling, as your prize you get to help me pick which color to dye my hair next week.
Dark Brown, Jason Dolley Blond, Shaun White red.
k, GO.
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