So yesterday was a snow day for Ben. So was the day before. For him, it sucks or whatever cause he's super-social at school. For me it's like "FLIPPIN SWEET I GET HIM TO MYSELF ON MSN AND WE CAN TALK FOREVERRR" and I pretty much become the stalker-geek I am and say hi.
Now, the day before we did talk for, like, 3 hours. And I was happy. <3 But then yesterday I said hi and he totally blew me off in a not-so-nice way. Or maybe I just took it not-so-nicely. Idk. Whatever happened, I got sorta mad. So I re-evaluated (remind me not to do this ever again) and realized how stupid the setup is for me. I mean, I'm sitting here with my laptop, eagerly awaiting a boy thousands of miles away to get on MSN so I can talk to him because my entire universe revolves around him pretty much. And what is it like on his side? "Omg I'm so bored cause I'm out of school, so I'll get on the computer for a bit. Oh, look, Alex. *types message* *yawns*"
How stupid am I?
Anyway, today was worse as he posted two notes on Facebook, one about a coming back party for his pretend wife or whatever that crap's all about and the other just a list of what he did in review of 2009. Y'know one of those MySpace quiz things. Both left me feeling really left out. Not that I'd tell him that cause it's ridiculous for me to think I'll ever NOT feel left out. Duh, they're his real friends, I'm the online one.
But the quiz about 2009 had a few questions "did you make any new friends who changed your life?" "did you fall in love with anyone"
The answer to both was yes.
I could lie to myself like I've been lying to myself for months and think that those had anything at all to do with me. But that's not true, and I know it. I'm just who he talks to when he's bored and nobody's around, or when he's feeling flirty and none of his guy friends will let him hit on them.
So Ben's been...sorta....not hatelisted, but avoidlisted. I don't want to disrupt his real life and I'm sure he doesn't want me to, so I'm going to hide away and wait til he gets bored and wonders where I went and decides to ask. At which point I'll make up some lame lie to mislead him so he doesn't catch onto the fact that I'm super fucking lonely without him.
Oh and Matt left to go to Paris, France on a school trip this week. Lucky duck. I want to go to France sooo bad. But yeah, I'll miss him. He's fun to talk to.
What should I do now that the drama will be dissipating for a bit?
I have nooo clue.
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