ilovehimilovehimilovehim

I love him
I really really do
He's amazing, and perfect and...I don't know I can't explain it. All I know is he holds a magic, something that causes butterflies in my stomach. And yet I've never felt more comfortable around a person in my life. He makes me smile more than anybo. I feel like he's the half of me that's missing.
I love him

He talked to me today. He actually "pounced" me on Facebook chat. We talked for an hour and a half. About stupid, pointless things. He called me "dear" and "silly goose" and all the cute little names he uses when he's happy. I feel like I'm alive when I talk to him. Even when I brought up religion, which is the one downside of the evening, he brushed it off and didn't get mad at me. And he ended the whole conversation when his grandma made him go to bed with "I hope we can talk again soon <3"

I love when we have good days together. They're always the best days of my life.
The only thing that brought it down is the fact that I asked how things were with him and God and his answer was "nonexistent". It makes me sad, because I remember back when he was a pretty good kid. I mean, I don't know how into faith he was, but he loved God. Now it's like...he's fallen away and doesn't want to go back. It makes me sad because I don't want him to die. I don't want to lose him forever. He's my world, I want to at least know that someday I'll have forever to get to know him.
So if you're reading this and you have a relationship with God, please please please remember Ben in your prayers. Pray for God to shake up his life, change things, do whatever it takes to bring him back.

With that exception, tonight was a wonderful evening. And I know one thing beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Benjamin, I love you more than anything else in this world. <3